So there it is. A grey, administrative reminder of a major milestone- as of February 6th 2010, we’ve been living abroad for five years. Kieran has lived outside the UK for most of his life and poor (or lucky depending on your point of view) Rohan has only ever seen the land of his birth through the eyes of a tourist.
I thought I’d mark this occasion with a brief look at how living in two countries- both very different from the UK- has changed us. I’m sure there have been many changes and that most of them are down to age as much as anything, but here are a few that spring to mind.
Domestic Servants
One of the biggest changes for me at first was having a domestic servant working in the house six days a week. Although plenty of people in the UK employ cleaners, that relationship is far more detached and egalitarian than is the case elsewhere. Having an employee who was much more a part of the household and far more subservient than your average British cleaner ( how many of them insist on calling you “master”?) was very uncomfortable for me and took a lot of getting used to. When Regina, a lovely young lady from Bangalore, first started working for us back in early 2005, I think I was as nervous about it all as she was. A few years and six domestics later, the concerns have vanished. Whatever she wants to call me is her business- whether that be Richard, Mr Chubb, Sir or Your Lordship for that matter! Importantly, I make sure I treat them as I’d treat any subordinate in the office- no better; no worse.
Having domestic servants does create issues, however. As much as we try to keep the relationship professional, there is a degree of closeness which cannot go away. We loan money and try to help with family matters for one thing. More importantly, any long term domestic servant will build up a close relationship with the kids. This makes for a far more personal relationship and makes breaking that relationship for whatever reason very hard.
Some of our toughest experiences to date have been letting domestic servants go. Saying goodbye to Iman- the boys’ nanny in Cairo- was simply gut wrenching for all of us. She doted on the boys and they loved her dearly. She begged to be allowed to join us in Tanzania but we all knew this would be a bad move. The boys would ultimately grow up and, as hard as saying goodbye then was, having to pack her on a plane home would have been far harder. We’ve heard many horror stories here too. Imagine inviting a friend and her kids round for a playdate with your two boys only to find that the “friend” was so impressed with your nanny that she poached her with a higher salary. Thankfully this has not happened to us, but from what I hear, trying to explain to the poor boys why their nanny was now looking after their school chums instead was a bit of a parenting challenge!
Relationship with Rain
Now like anyone brought up in Britain, I have always had a hate- hate relationship with rain. For the first three decades of my life, rain was a cold, drizzly miserable phenomenon which meant days sitting indoors as a child and a cold, squelchy commute home as an adult.
I can honestly say that the past five years have ignited in me a true love of rain. I guess, this is due in part to three years with barely a drop. Although Cairo is located on the Nile, it is also situated in the middle of the Sahara- the world’s biggest desert. The narrow strip of water we happened to live next to had little effect on the climate therefore, with the exception of the odd drizzly day in February, the weather was an unbroken sequence of blue skies and blazing sun.
After three years of drought, we moved somewhere which, in theory, had a rainy season. Although we’ve had problems with low rainfall, the times that the rains do come in are spectacular. The rainfall is usually quite short in duration- a storm comes in, the rain comes down in a violent hour or so of warm big raindrops and then vanishes, giving way to blue skies once more. Since the violence of the storms means that nobody in their right mind would venture out in one, you are left either to watch it from the safety of indoors or to strip down and enjoy getting wet- i do the former, the boys the latter. I think I still hate the cold miserable drizzle that passes for rain in the UK but truly love the tropical storms we are getting on a daily basis right now!
Driving
Now driving has been a very eventful experience over the past five years. For the first three of these, the experiences were entirely second hand as we employed a driver- nobody in their right minds would drive in Cairo and I wasn’t going to. From the passenger seat of my Pajero, I was able to witness the entire range of driving offences. I still believe that, in Mohammed, we employed the best driver in Egypt- someone with practically no temper and with razor sharp reflexes that saved us both on many occasions. I remember one time driving at high speed along the main ring road, crossing the main bridge over the Nile. For no apparent reason the car in front screeched to a halt and a pile up seemed inevitable. Mohammed not only managed to steer around the car but then also steered right back into a straight line ensuring we didn’t career off the bridge to a watery fate.
Tanzania gave me the chance to drive for myself and what fun it has been. In two years I’ve only had one major accident- something I’m not keen to repeat. However I’ve also learned a more flexible approach to traffic laws. Here in Tanzania, we generally drive on the left but in practice drive wherever the potholes are shallowest. Traffic lights require local knowledge since some are obeyed and others ignored. Stopping at the wrong red is likely to result in your getting rear ended. However, there are some areas where the British culture has stayed firmly inside me. Unlike most expatriates, neither of us drink and drive. Traffic jams are also to be respected. Despite the fact that most of my fellow drivers are pushing ahead by driving up the wrong side of the road or even along the pavement, I always wait my turn- the urge to queue is just too much!
Driving is always an experience and I generally get home either thanking my lucky stars that I missed the mango cart being pulled round that blind corner on the wrong side of the road or cursing the fact that the traffic policeman decided to head off and relieve himself seconds after guiding me into a right hand turn that consequently almost killed me. However, given the chance to either watch someone else drive or to drive myself, I’d take the latter any day.
Having Lots of Mates
This final point comes after consulting with my dear wife. For Soma, the biggest chance over the past five years has been in her words “the sisterhood that I’ve managed to build up around me”. For Soma, as a stay at home Mum, this has been a true blessing. In London, despite the fact that we both worked, our friends tended to be people that I knew and had introduced Soma to. Now things are far more even and in all honesty the situation has completely reversed. Almost all our friends are people Soma has met.
Soma and I at the Dar es Salaam Burns Night Event
It seems that there is a whole community that exists once the wage earners have headed off for work each day- a whole life we know nothing about and which Soma loves. To some extent the same was the case in Maadi too. For sure I know that both Soma and I have made far more friends among the expat communities of Maadi and Dar es Salaam than we could ever had hoped for in London. Although like all close communities there is a line between close and claustrophobic, we seem to have made some great friends and to have steered clear of the politics.
I think perhaps the most important part of the last five years has been the friends we have made. We are still in touch with some great mates from Cairo- most of whom have themselves moved on. When we left Cairo I was amazed that we could have arrived knowing nobody and have managed to get so many to our leaving drinks three years later. Luckily for us, it seems that the same will happen in Dar es Salaam. We arrived knowing nobody but again have managed to accumulate a lot of good friends we’ll stay in touch with for an awfully long time. If the next five years can be as successful on the friendship front as the past five, we’ll count ourselves truly lucky!
